For many mums like me, juggling house chores and taking care of children can be quite tricky when your domestic helper is on holiday. Anyone who lives in Hong Kong knows that domestic helpers are usually very helpful to many families. As a mum of four little kids, I know how hard it can be to manage all the things you have to do at home and still be able to pursue a profession or career. Hong Kong is an expensive fast-paced city and often times, it happens that both the mother and the father in a home may have to work. This is why many households resort to hiring live-in helpers to assist in taking care of kids and doing other house chores. In this blog, I discuss how you can manage duties in the home as a mom when your helper takes her day off.
Domestic helpers in Hong Kong however, are entitled to a 24-hour off day every week. This is usually probably the only time they get to have a private time by themselves and do whatever they like. For the helper, this is usually a time to look forward to but for the employer (or mum), it is not all that exciting. The thought of having all the kids garnering for your attention throughout the whole day, and the cleaning and cooking that have to be done may be daunting, if not terrifying. It doesn’t have to be too terrifying though. I will share with you some practical tips that have helped me for the 3 years I have lived with domestic helpers. I have only had 2 domestic helpers for three years out of my six-year stay in Hong Kong. My first helper left when we were expecting our third baby saying she couldn’t take care of 3 kids so we had to find another person. Three years before then, I wasn’t working full time so I was doing everything by myself. This could probably be one of the reasons why my helper’s days off don’t frighten me a lot but, make no mistakes, I still get jitters at the thought of having to separate fights and provide snacks, cook meals and do dishes (my worst chore to do) and a host of other things. So while all the fear may not disappear just because you adopt the tips I will be providing, they will be reduced to jitters which disappear as soon as you start the day. You can watch a video about this on my YouTube channel.
The first thing that I have always reminded myself is the fact that my home is mine to run, not the helper’s. While my helper may be very resourceful and talented, the kids are mine to raise, and the home is mine to manage. I won’t let anyone take that job from me. Being a wife and mum is the most fulfilling and rewarding job because it is God that gives the reward. My home was handed over to me by God so I could manage it like a good steward; and just like every good steward, I will get my reward if take care of it faithfully. What this means with regard to the topic of discussion is that the absence of a helper on Sundays or Saturdays or weekdays (whichever day is your helper’s day off) should not prevent me from taking care of my home. Trust me, when you approach those days with this mindset, you discover that half the fear is already gone.
Another tip is to look forward to the excitement of having to spend the day alone with your spouse and kids. It means you all can play together, have discussions and find out things that they may not be willing to tell you if your helper is around. While I appreciate the idea of treating your helper as a family (as we all should), there are still some family times and moments that you can’t get your helper involved in. Treating your helper as family for me simply means treating him or her as you expect to be treated at work, that is, with respect and as a human being. So, rather than take your children into your room and lock the door in the presence of the helper, which could actually raise suspicions or trigger some feelings of being treated as an outsider in your helper, the best days to have secret discussions with your kids is on your helper’s day off. These are discussions that can hold in the living room, the kids’ room, over lunch or dinner, whichever time is suitable for your family. These days are also bonding times for you and your kids. My kids are still quite young so we bond a lot during their shower time. Find out what works best you. If you are excited about spending time with family, the day wouldn’t be so daunting.
The third tip is to make a written plan before the actual day about the things that you would like to do on that day. If you don’t already have a meal prep, decide what you are going to make for breakfast, lunch or dinner ( if you love cooking like I do), or would it be better to eat out? If your family is going to eat out, which meal of the day are you going to have at home or would you eat all three meals out? In these pandemic times, ordering in may be better. Whichever option you settle for, none of them is wrong as long as you make the plan ahead of time. Trust me, you will love yourself so much when you plan ahead. Write down the chores you intend to do and the times of the day you plan to do them. Please do not be overambitious with this. Even if you love doing house chores, you still need to get some rest especially if you need to work the next day. For my family, such chores include things like doing dishes, cleaning the house, showering the kids and making meals.
Enlist the help of your family members. My husband is usually very helpful with the chores at home. We told ourselves before we started living with a helper that we were managing the chores quite well before we needed a helper so the presence of domestic helpers in our home should not stop us from our basic responsibilities. It was needful for us to have a helper because I went back to graduate school as a full time research student; we therefore needed someone to help with the kids and the duties at home while we were both out. My children are also keen to help even though they are small, so I let them pack their toys by themselves, wipe down the table after eating and rinse the dishes for me while I wash. Sometimes, I do end up rinsing them again though but I am raising them to be independent so that’s ok. If you have older children, then they can certainly clean their rooms, organize their closets and do their own dishes after eating. Ask your spouse for help as well. My husband knows that even though I love cooking, I dread doing dishes so he always helps with that. Don’t try to do everything by yourself as a mum, get everyone involved and the chores will take less time to complete.
One important tip is to take your shower/bath in the morning before starting any chore. I have found that on my domestic helper’s days off, the days I showered before going out to make breakfast were the most valuable. Showering immediately after my devotion makes me fully alert and energizes me for the activities ahead. It’s just like how your morning showers help you get ready for work every other day. Don’t leave your shower for later in the day even if you know you will be going out. Try it and see.
Finally, from a Christian point of view, I would add that you ask God for help. For me and probably for every Christian mum that will come come across this post, we can’t really do any good thing if God is not working through us. The love of Christ shed abroad in my heart constrains me from murmuring while I do these chores. Sometimes, my husband is too tired to help at the times that I need him to and honestly, this can be annoying or daunting. The Holy Spirit helps me to do the ones I can without grumbling. That is why I suggest that you ask God for help. I have also come to understand that when I do the things I should do on my domestic helper’s days off, she gets to enjoy her whole day without bothering about the chores that she has to do when she comes home. That way, she goes to bed thanking God for her employer and God blesses me in return. Some domestic helpers are quite kind; when they come home and see anything left to do, they willingly offer to help and there is no problem with this so long as there are no grudges. For me, I told my domestic helper not to do anything for me on her days off hence, every Sunday, my husband and I definitely know that we’ve got work to do.
So, here’s me telling you to add oil and do the needful, your home doesn’t have to be in chaos just because your domestic helper isn’t around. I pray that God gives you the strength and the motivation you need. Start with the little things and get accustomed to the process as time goes on.